Articles to make you think!!!!!

“LOVE TAKES TIME” -written by Kay-J

I remember the first time that I thought that I was in love.  It was because the person who I thought was so good looking, started talking to me.  At that time I was in junior high school.  Then I thought love meant showering the person that you are dating, with gifts.  Boy was I wrong! That was how I felt in high school.  It wasn’t until after I graduated grad school, that I am starting to realize what love is, and how long it takes to actually get it.  Too many people rush into situations because they want to be loved.  However, what happens when that relationship goes south, and you still decide to stay in that relationship?  Some people feel that they will never find anyone to at least match 70 percent of what they are looking for.  However, you will never know how true/false that is, if you keep spending time with a man or woman who doesn’t appreciate you.  I remember wanting to be in love so bad in college.  I went to college in Miami, FL. In Miami, everything is based off of romance, you have South Beach, exotic restaurants, and beautiful people.  I couldn’t help but want to fall in love.  My senior year of college, I got into a relationship for all the WRONG reasons. I was forcing myself to find love.  It was the most toxic relationship I have ever been in, and almost had my life in danger.  I recently got out of a 3 year relationship because we had gotten together off of false pretenses.  I pretty much said “Yes! I will be with you,” and I didn’t even really know this person.  All I knew was that okay, I’m in grad school now, life is going great, and once again….I wanted love right then, and right now.  I got lucky, even though I knew about a month after being together, that this was not the person I was supposed to be with, we made it work.  However, the problems we were having in 2007 were still manifesting in 2010.  I had to get out of this relationship because even though I still wanted love, and now I got comfortable with this person, I knew they were not the one for me.  I was 22 years of age, and now I’m 27.  Those are years that I cannot get back. Now, don’t get me wrong we had great times together, but I knew in my heart, it wasn’t going to last.  Love takes time, it is not forced, it does not hurt, and it is not simple.  As you get older in life, you need to start thinking about love for the long term, and not “baby mama” or “baby daddy” status.  We already have enough of those running around.  Even though the wedding date was set October 10, 2010, I only want to get married one time, and one time only.  So if you are in a relationship, where you wake up everyday wondering what he/she is doing behind your back, or why are you with that person, chances are it won’t last.  If you are staying because you feel you cannot move on without him/her, you will be miserable for as long as you are with him/her.  I know it is hard to get out of relationships and situations, or to wait for the right person to fall in love with.  Love takes time.  However, settling is not a great thing to do either.  You have got to have confidence in yourself, and love yourself to know that I will find love, but I need to make sure that he/she is completely right for me.  Always asks yourself this question, can I see me raising a child with this man/woman, or spending the rest of my life with this woman/man? So remember, love takes time, and you will get there. There are over 6.6 billion people on this earth, there is someone out there for you! Love Always, Kay-J

 

 

Why Need A Name????!!!!

Written by: Christopher Johnson (Twitter: @ce_ellej)

In today’s society, sex has become the most common reasons for people to meet.  For an example, if you explore the option of going on popular dating sites, it seems that no one cares about a persons name or who they are.  They only care about what is inside your pants. I have tested this theory out.

I have composed a profile onto a specific site and waited as the messages poured in.  To my surprise, I didn’t have to wait very long.  At first some of the messages were a friendly “Hello!”  Then I noticed, as the other messages started coming in, the users of the site were asking me to unlock my photos and others were wondering when we can meet up for sexual activities.  These were the type of messsages that alarmed me, because it showed the ignorance of people for more than one reason:

1.) It clearly stated on my profile that I was looking for friendship.  This proves to me that on these dating websites, NO ONE ACTUALLY READS what you have to say on there.

 

2.) None of the people on the website cared about who I was or my situation.  They only cared about getting in bed with me.  In my opinion, this means that they are careless, and reckless with their life. I could be a convicted felon who just got out of jail, waiting for my next prey.

With the messages that I got back from some of the users,  I decided to see how far I can take it with these men, and see their reactions.  I began to message men with sexual responses and waited to see if anyone would simply ask questions.  For an example, what’s your name? age?  or at least disease status.  Now granted, this information could easily be found on my profile, but I have known of many instances where people do not change their profile information.  One guy was 26 years old for FIVE YEARS!!! Anyway, none of the men of the site asked me any basic questions about myself.  The questions that did arise from them were more like: where are you located?  who do you stay with?   can I/you host?, and then the questions became graphic.  Some of the users wanted to know what I am going to do to them, when they arrive, or what they are going to do to me. 

Phone numbers were given out as a way to talk about where to meet instead of as a way to talk and get to know someone.  As for names, they either gave out an alias or initials as an identifier.  It is behavior such as this that STDS are so prevalent in the gay community.  People are so vague about their situations, and we allow them to be.  We accept whatever people tell us, and then suffer dire consequences because of those types of actions. 

I also had the opportunity to speak with someone who is HIV positive.  In that conversation, I asked the question “What do you say to someone to help prevent them from getting STDS or HIV?”  The answer was shocking to me “There is nothing that you can tell someone because people don’t listen until it’s too late!”  I believe that we all can help with preventing these types of sexually transmitted diseases from spreading.  You have got to LOVE YOURSELF, and ASK PEOPLE to get tested before you have sex with them, it is that simple. If they hesistate, then they do not respect you enough, and if that is the case….WHY HAVE SEX WITH THEM?????

There is no such thing on dating websites as “let’s chill and get to know each other.”  Those are code words for let’s have sex.  If that is what you choose to do, DO IT SAFELY.  Remember we only get one chance to live life.  LIVE IT RESPONSIBLY!!!

7 ways to a better relationship

“Relationships are Hard Work”

–by Kay-J (Editor
Twitter: @kjuelznycmiami

 

All types of relationships are hard work. Whether it is father/daughter, mother/son, or boyfriend/girlfriend, they all take some type of effort to help them grow beautifully. Now let us just focus on the boyfriend/girlfriend aspect of a relationship. I have a few of my female friends come up to me all the time and ask me why their significant others seems to ignore them, and not pay attention to them after like a month of dating. I stated to them that the “honeymoon” period was over and now reality is setting in. One of them in particular can’t seem to get past 5 months with every boyfriend she has been with. I told her it is because she always gives up everything in a relationship in the first week. You want to be respected in a relationship ladies, do not give up everything you have to offer in a week. I know that sex has become so desensitized here in the United States, but does that not mean that you need to give up your own self-respect and control. I always hear people say that sex is a relationship and without that you have nothing. Are you kidding me? Sex does not pay the bills (for those of you in relationships where you both live together). Yes, sex is absolutely a part of a relationship with your significant other, but it is not the end to all means.

You are wondering why you sitting at home and you trying to spend time with your man and he does not come over, why should he? You guys have been together 3 weeks and he has already had sex with you, taken your car, you help pay his bills, cook for him, and buy him whatever he needs. There is no reason for him to spend time with you. He has nothing else to anticipate in that relationship. Now this is not all guys, I am talking about a specific type of guy.

To my gentleman, I know it may be hard to stay faithful in a relationship. You have no idea how many guys that I know that just cannot stay faithful. So why get into a relationship? You do not have to lock one down and keep doing your thing. That is wrong. Gentleman need to remember to be respectful when they are in relationships. We were all born from a female, you would not want someone giving your mother or sister a hard time in a relationship, then you shouldn’t give a hard time either.

Relationships are tough. However, you can make them work with “K.J.’s 7 Ways to a Better Relationship”:

1. Make sure you pick a significant other who is of the same socio-economic status as you. Which means don’t date the drug dealer, when you are about to graduate with a Bachelors Degree.

 

 

 

2. Make time for each other.

 

 

 

 

 

3. Find new and improved ways to spice up your relationship (i.e. salsa dancing, or putting a pole in the bedroom).

 

 

 

 

 

4. Tell each other that you love each other every single day and night.

 

 

 

 

 

5. Travel the country or world together, take vacations.

 

 

 

 

 

6. Respect each other, and yourselves.

 

 

 

 

 

7. The most important rule I follow in a relationship is to COMMUNICATE. It is so very important to communicate with one another. Do not hold stuff in, however, do not be disrespectful when you have a disagreement with one another. This is the true way to keep a relationship alive.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you have your own rules that I did not put up here, give me your feedback!